if you like me you must not know who I am
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
did i walk over a car last night?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
