Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
