What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
