Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
