Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
is it fun? or sober?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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