CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
