If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
