some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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