White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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