maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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