You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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