Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
