nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
