Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
