What did we do last night that was yellow?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
the raccoons are back...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
