I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
