so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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