This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
