I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
