I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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