omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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