12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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