Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
