I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
