he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
