He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
