I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
