good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
