the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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