her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
