we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
