...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
