Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
