1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
