I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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