so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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