i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
