btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
