And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
