her vagina looked like bernie madoff
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
