Got a toothbrush?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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