You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
