I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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