dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
