i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
