It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
