she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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