He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
