My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
