im drinking this country out of the recession.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
