oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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